I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile. Things have been stressful. I packed your room up. It's the hardest thing I've done since I lost you. All the things you were suppose to have are nice and neatly put away. There is lady who's having a baby boy that wants to buy your stuff. She'll be here Thursday to look at everything. I hope I can be strong and be o.k. with letting it go. I did keep a box of things that were especially for you. One day I will make a scrapbook and have a special box made for all your stuff.
Life has been hard lately. A couple weeks ago Daddy came home crying. He had been to see you and he was upset. He told how much he misses you. I still feel like it's my fault. I wish I knew what happen. I wish I could have saved you.
Mommy decided to go back on anti-depressants. I think I've been worse here lately. I guess they were helping before. I don't want to, but I need help. I need help to be happy and not focus on the guilt so much. I know you're trying to help Mommy. I can feel you sometimes. Mommy trying Brody, but it's so hard.
I love you baby. Wish you were in my arms right now and would give me a big hug. XOXO
- Brody's Story
- My son, Brody Conner was stillborn. He passed away at 35 weeks due to unknown causes. This blog is dedicated to his memory. The entries are my words to him. Words that I was unable to say to him in this life, but one day will. If you found this blog because you need help with a loss of your own, please visit my links for help. If you would like to talk to me, leave a comment or email me. Thanks for stopping by.
1 comment:
Marie, i wanted to tell you something here. After what happened with me, i realized that Miracles happen everyday. But many a times we never see them. never even realize what happened.i'll explain.... the thing is marie, we can call death of a caterpillar as a tragedy, or a birth of a butterfly, a MIRACLE. its all our perspective. That day, when the guy in the accident, was lying in my arms, i prayed like never before. I said God! please, don't let him die. and he lived for 20 more days. and when he died i was so angry and frustrated that i did not know what to do? i could see no reason why he had to die. and in a way i blamed myself.Maybe if i had'nt become so nervous then, maybe if i would have prevented loss of blood! But then a few days back his mother called me up. And she said "Rohit, Thanks for giving us the best 20 days of our lives!, we were a family again and had you not saved my son then, he would have died without saying good bye". Its all a perspective Marie. Maybe i am stupid, but don't you think god was saying something to you when he took Brody away.Maybe he was saying, that i am empyting your hand so that i can give you a bigger happiness.I'm sorry if i said something wrong.
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