6 Months Ago...

...You were born and taken the same day. I keep thinking about what you should be doing right now. Sitting up, crawling, eating baby food, smiling, crying, laughing, and so much more. I wish I could have rocked you asleep. I would have loved to hold you for hours and just watch you sleep. I wish I could have seen you and your sister play. I know it would have probably been more fighting then playing, but that's better then what I have now. My heart feels empty and heavy at the same time. I wish you could come back to me. Just for a little while. I want to tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am that I didn't know something was wrong. I have so many regrets. The one regret I don't have is you. If I had to do it all over again, knowing what would happen, I would still do it. Your my baby, always will be. Please don't forget me.

Play and have fun in Heaven. One day I will join you. Until then I'll leave you in God's hands. But I'm waiting for the day that God puts your hands in mine.

I love you.

Was That You?

Hi Baby,

Mommy misses you. Hope you're having fun in Heaven. I wanted to know if it was you I heard last night. I could have sworn I heard your bedroom door open. You gave your Daddy a scare. He was up checking the whole house, trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. I want to believe it was you. I need to know you're close. Please help me to accept your death. I know you're better off with God. I just miss you sooo much. I wanted to take care of you. Watch you grow up and become a great man, just like your Daddy. I have a feeling you would have been just like him. I wish I could have seen it.

I love you Brody. Send lots of hugs and kisses my way.

Flowers For You

Hi Brody,
I thought I would show everyone your flowers for Valentines Day. I know it's early but I want your grave to be the prettiest one there. I hope you like them. I figure I would keep them out for the rest of the month. I wanted to write you something special but your Mommy isn't good with words.

But know this...I love you more than words can say. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. My love grows more and more each passing day. One day I will see you again and I will show you all my love. You are my beautiful baby boy, and you will live in me forever.

Happy Valentines Day!! XOXO

Lessons

Hi Honey, I miss you. Been thinking about you lots today. I wish I could hold you right now. I would love to have a hug, just once. You know you've taught me a lesson? I've learned how important it is to show love to your family everyday. I use to take for granted that nothing bad would happen to anyone I love, especially my children and your Daddy. You've opened my eyes to realize that it can. I need to show them everyday how much I appreciate, love, and need them. I've been trying. I just wish it hadn't taken your death for me to realize.

Maybe that was your purpose. To show your Daddy and I how much we love and need one another. I'm grateful for you. Without you things would have probably changed with your Daddy and I. Things were rocky about a year ago but now we're better then ever, thanks to you.

I miss you soooooo much. Send Mommy xoxo. I love you.